Oh Joy! 'Deadpool' movie set to release in 2016

Nerds rejoice, we're all getting a wonderful treat in 2016.

Everyone’s favorite cosplay from comic-con is coming to the big screen in 2016…. Again… And hopefully this time they won’t sew his mouth shut and give him laser eyes. God what a fu*k up Wolverine Origins was; but it’s been 5 years and that teaser trailer “leaked” blew everyone away. “Why wasn’t that Deadpool in the movie?” we all said. What the heck were they thinking? Well it looks like they heard us and we’ll be seeing a Deadpool movie sooner than we’d imagined. And since then X-Men franchise was rebooted/continued with First Class and Days of the Future Past, we might see a brand new origin plot unravel for Deadpool.

The whole reason for The Days of The Future Past was to reset the events of last three disappointing X-Men movies prior to First Class, while still maintaining the same-ish continuity.  In a way you can say that X-Men :The Laststand ,and the two Wolverine movies never happened (God if only they go back in time and stop these movies form being made in the first place).  Comic books use this tactic all the time, when they screw up majorly they either go back in time, jump dimensions, or have that one extremely powerful character to reset the whole thing.  It’s kind of a groin punch for us fans who spend time and money on these comics and movies only to be told that all that was for nothing.

Groin punches aside, the new X-Men movies were pretty damn awesome, but they were rated PG. You can’t do that with Deadpool, you just can’t. Deadpool is a violent, smut mouth, fourth wall breaking badass, you can’t make him PG. It would ruin the whole charm of the character.

Ryan Reynolds is returning as Deadpool and that’s not something thing we should be worried about. He was Deadpool in Wolverine Origin and I think he was pretty damn funny. It was what was done to him in the end of the movie that pissed everyone off. Reynolds has no trouble playing a wise cracking mercenary, I mean he does the whole wise cracking shtick pretty well; he makes a living out of it.  He has the energy and comedic timing to pull this off. The leaked footage was animated but hilariously clever, and if they can replicate that short video into a feature length movie I say we have a successful adult franchise on our hands.

In the end Fox has an amazing opportunity to make a superhero movie specifically geared to adults. It’s a risky venture since children are the driving force for block busters but making Deadpool PG is like neutering your prized dog. It just makes no sense.

The Lunchbox: Mini Review

 

I am an aspiring film critic, but I’m not a very good one (yet). I know that, and most of you unfortunate enough to read my stuff know that. I want to tell you why you should watch 'The Lunchbox' but I don’t think I have the words or proper grasp of English language (yet) to describe how amazing it is. I think I’d be doing it disservice by trying to explain what makes it so magical.

All I can say is that 'The Lunchbox' is like that one chip in a bag so loaded with flavour that when you bite into it, it takes you to a state of pure ecstasy. The flavour explodes in your mouth and you love and hate it at the same time. Because you wish that every chip was like that, but you know that it will be the only one in the bag.

So please, check out 'The Lunchbox'. I know you won't be disappointed, I put my mediocre reputation on the line for it.

Goodbye World: Movie Review

"GoodbyeWorld" is a movie about affluent, self-absorbed 30 something year olds acting like teenagers. If you were ever wondering how the people from 90210 and Dawson's Creek would act like in a post-apocalyptic/dystopian world, first of all, what’s the matter with you? Are you touched in the head or something? And second they would act exactly how they acted like in these show: obnoxious with tediously complicated love triangles, squares and hexagons. 

Our hero/leader is James (Adrian Grenier), a young, wealthy, tech tycoon who sold his company and is now living off the grid in northern California mountain with his kooky outrageous wife, Lily (Kerry Bishe), and young daughter, Hanna (McKenna Grace). We’re later joined by Lily’s former lover and James’ former business partner Nick (Ben McKenzie) and his new wife, Becky (Caroline Dhavernas), a woman they barely knew and liked while attending college (Stanford). The gang is joined by their ex-con friend Benji (Mark Webber) and his young college girlfriend (Remy Nozik) who informs everyone that the world is ending; there are riots in the streets and the government has lost control because of a coordinated cyber-attack. And last to arrive at douche manor, are suicidal master hacker and token black guy Lev (Kid Cudi) and Laura (Gaby Hoffmann), a disgraced political aid. 

Gang performing and enjoying a talent show.

Now you would imagine these educated tech savvy individuals would be quick to formulate plans to protect their house and resources so they can prepare for any possible scenario, but they don't seem to grasp the gravity of the situation. They’re not worried about rouge soldiers, angry distrustful neighbors and biker gangs running convenience stores, they decide to get high and naked in the outdoor hot tub? Now is that really how a rational individual would behave in a world where there is no law, and man is left to his own devices? Is it really wise for 3 ridiculously attractive women to go skinny-tubbing at a time like this? Would you really care if your college honey is married to your best friend or would you be worried about your safety and possibly secure weapons just in case you’re angry neighbors decide to attack you (spoiler alert: they do and our heroes get their butts kicked). 

The world is ending and these people are having dinner parties and talent shows. Now in a movie like "Seeking a Friend for the End of the World" at least there is justification for partying, it was their one last hurrah before the meteor hits the Earth, but in this movie, they’re just having a good time for the sake of a good time, doomsday be damned. They don’t seem to be worried about the potential dangers that may arise from a lawless society. 

Everyone in this movie is pretentious and so deeply unforgivable that I wouldn’t have cared if anything horrible happened to anyone of them, and that includes the adorable little girl. That’s how horrible, self-absorbed and privileged these people are that none of them have a single redeemable quality… And yeah, as horrible as it sounds, that includes the little girl. Now I know I’m exaggerating to emphasize a point, obviously I wouldn’t wish any harm on a little girl, but if anyone is looking for a convincing argument for not having kids, well I think you should watch this movie. Case in point: they find out that Lilly and Lev could be responsible for internet’s collects and their response as a group is “oops”. That’s right, you find out that your friends could be responsible for the end of the world and your response is “Oh, those wacky friends of mine”. 

If the goal of this movie was to hate young upper-class America then I say mission accomplished. Everyone and I mean everyone in this movie is intolerable, and unforgivably shallow. There is nothing good about this movie, it's trying to be a lighthearted comedy/romance/drama/dystopian/political satire, and it fails on all fronts. It’s not a good apocalyptic movie nor is it a compelling romantic drama, it’s just a hodge podge of rejected stories all piled on top of each other hoping to produce a sliver of entertainment, but unfortunately it’s a grotesque homunculus glorifying the 7 deadly sins perfectly (Fullmetal Alchemist Reference).

The Gotham I Like to See

This show looks pretty cool, although I’m not so thrilled that the Wayne murder is the trigger point for Jim Gordon’s crusade against the criminal underbelly of Gotham.  This is not a Bruce Wayne story, this is Jim Gordon’s story and I feel that making the Wayne murder the focal point could undermine Jim Gordon’s character and motivations. That being said this show looks really good, as long as they keep the teen romantic element that WB/DC shows like Smallville and Arrow have out of it and makes it into a true detective show (no relations to HBO hit True Detective). 

The creators of this show have an amazing opportunity to introduce new characters that don’t necessarily relate to Batman mythos directly, but contribute to future events. I don’t want to see young Poison Ivy, Scarecrow, or Catwoman, give me new stories. This idea of  that these characters were per-destined to be evil is boring; there should be some mystery surrounding the characters to give the audience a chance to form their own opinion on what certain character's motivations are. You have an amazing opportunity to create pre Batman Gotham with all new villains. Make a compelling show that can stand on its own feet without relying on Batman lore too much. Every now and then it’s ok to integrate old characters like The Penguin or Black Mask into the show to keep it attached to Batman mythos, but I for one want to see a Jim Gordon story that doesn’t revolve around Bruce Wayne. 

I think delving too much into to the Wayne murder can hurt the Batman's origin. We see this happening many times where prequels try to explain the events but they end up doing more damage to the mythos and alienate the fan base. Star Wars prequels are notorious for ruining the Star Wars universe, it’s overwhelmingly hated by the fans of the original trilogy. I for one found “Midi-chlorians” as the source of The Force really annoying. The Force was this mysterious source of power that was mastered by the Jedi and the Sith to give them powers beyond a normal person. Trying to explain it Midi-chlorians count was stupid and really downplayed the importance of The Force. 

So here’s hoping that Gotham is a gritty engaging detective show about future commissioner Jim Gordon struggling to bring down the strong criminal underbelly of Gotham, and not hacked attempted to cash in on Batman’s name and success. I truly see great potential in this show, so let’s see what can expect from Gotham the Jim Gordon story.

Who Would be a Good Alternative Director for Justice League Movie?

So it’s official: Zack Snyder is going to be directing ‘Justice League of America’ (JLA) after he’s done with the Superman/Batman movie. This news is going to make some JLA fans explode with anger and disbelief, but to a vast majority this news doesn’t mean much.

Personally I’m not too thrilled;’ Man of Steel’ was a disappointment to me. It was a good super hero movie but the changes Snyder made to Superman didn’t work for me. The similarities between Superman and Nolan’s Batman were distinctly numerous. In order to make a more brooding version of Superman, he essentially recreated Batman’s persona except with superpowers and a lot less money. Having said that, Snyder does have a good record when it comes to action movies. He burst into Hollywood with his remake of the George A. Romero classic ‘Dawn of the Dead’, and followed that up with the visually exciting if historically inaccurate ‘300.’ He also directed another hotly debated superhero movie that I actually enjoyed: ’Watchmen’. Much like ‘Man of Steel’ Watchmen had its harsh critics; the movie wasn’t a box-office hit but it wasn’t a total bust either, although the fans didn’t receive his portrayal of Alan Moore’s critically acclaimed comic book very well. Zack Snyder is directing the Superman/Batman movie coming out next year so I’m going to reserve my final judgment on how I feel about him directing JLA until I see that movie. He’s a good director with a proven track record so I think we need to give him a chance (much like Ben Affleck as Batman).  

Although not much can be done now but if for whatever reason Zack Snyder is off the project here are few directors that I’d like to see at the helm of JLA:

Christopher Nolan is the most obvious name that comes to mind since he was attached to ‘Man of Steel’ as a producer. I mean come on, who better to do a JLA movie than the man who brought us the ‘Dark Knight’, right? Wrong, while he’s undoubtedly a great director I’d prefer JLA to be a much more upbeat and dazzling than the somber Batman trilogy. Nolan’s Batman was a very grim movie that was somewhat grounded in reality and dystopia. JLA is going to be a supernatural movie and although Nolan can deliver when it comes to sci-fi (Inception), I think we need to move away from his interpretation of Batman and the DC universe. 

Michael Bay: Now hear me out on this one before you reach for your shotguns, I know Bay virtually killed the animated heroes of our childhood but lets look closer at the Transformers Franchise. All 3 movies (however horrible they may be) were box-office juggernauts with movies earning $709,709,780, $836,303,693, and $1,123,794,079 respectively. When it comes to visuals and explosions, it’s hard to beat Mr. Bay. But then again looking at what he did to the ‘Transformers’ and what he’s going to do to ‘The Ninja Turtles’, I guess that’s not such a good idea. Actually forget I even said anything.

John Woo is a famous Hong Kong Director who made his name in Hollywood with movies like Face/Off and Broken Arrow but his crown jewel remains Mission Impossible 2. When it comes to unadulterated action, Woo can deliver and having a Chinese director at the helm of JLA means attracting the second largest movie viewing audience in the world after America.

Speaking of Chinese directors, how about Ang Lee? Lee won the Oscar for Best Director twice, first for ‘Brokeback Mountain’ and for his 3D visual master-piece ‘Life of Pi’. He also has an Oscar for Best Foreign Language Film for Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon. So he can deliver the complete package i.e. a story, action, and visuals. Now Lee did direct the universally hated Hulk  movie. It is rumored that CIA is considering replacing the equally heinous waterboarding techniques it has championed with Hulk movie. I’d argue though that Lee made amends for that disaster with the other movies mentioned above.  

Here’s my dark horse pick for the list, Gareth Evans. "Gareth who?" You may ask.  Well Evans is the mastermind behind the best martial arts action movies in my point of view, the Raid franchise. Gareth is a Welsh director who works out of Indonesia and shot to fame with the critically acclaimed Raid Redemption that got him a bigger budget so he could direct Raid 2 (a significant improvement over his first) and Raid 3 in the future. So just imagine what he can do with a multi-million dollar budget and Hollywood resources.

Guillermo del Toro is my best pick for the JLA movie. Del Toro is no stranger when it comes to superhero movies and delivering visual spectacles and mindless destruction. He directed Blade II and the Hellboy series, and is most famous for his Oscar nominated visual masterpiece Pan’s Labyrinth . He was briefly attached to direct the Hobbit movies but due to delays caused in part by financial problems at Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer he left the project, and Peter Jackson came back to finish the job. However, Del Toro is credited as the writer for the Hobbit movies. Most recently he directed Pacific Rim , a ginormous robots beating up on gargantuan unearthly monsters slugfest that was visually orgasmic and primeval even.

Speaking of Peter Jackson I think he should be directing everything, but knowing his record he’d send the JLA on an epic journey that somehow ties into Lord of The Rings mythos. Peter Jackson presents JLA: Fellowship of The Green Lanterns, an epic journey of Frodo and the JLA to destroy the Yellow Power Ring of Sinestro Corps.  Hey that actually sounds pretty cool!

Essentially, I say we wait till Superman/Batman before marching to Mr. Snyder’s house with pitchforks, fire torches and tons of Kryptonite but in the mean time lets sharpen our pitchforks and pray vehemently that we only be obligated to use them on Michael Bay. 

300: Rise of an Empire Movie Review

 
300: Rise of an Empire picks up right where the first movie left off. It’s the end of Battle of Thermopylae where brave King Leonidas (Gerard Butler) and the mighty 300 Spartans have fallen after a valiant effort to hold back the nasty King (poo-poo head) Xerxes and the evil Persian Empire hell-bent on conquering all of Greece.  It’s the war between the noble white freedom loving Greeks (Athenians) and the tyrannical, repulsive brown Persians. If you want to shut down your brain and watch one hour forty minutes of mind numbing violence and an occasional boob or two then I think you’ll have a good time. But even if you have the teensiest understanding of global politics, you’ll see that this movie has more in common with today’s US foreign policies, mainly when it comes to Iran, and strong white supremacist undertones that are unavoidable and downright scary.

Ionian Revolt

The problem with Rise of an Empire is its black and white approach to good and evil. The movie starts off with a monologue by Queen Gorgo of Sparta (Lena Headey) who explains the origins of the Greco-Persian war:  “The war started like any other war, with a grievance. The Persian King Darius annoyed by the Greek notion of Freedom, has come to Greece to bring us to heel.” In reality, the Persians didn’t attack Greece because they hated their ‘freedom’ (a contentious argument in the first place) but because King Darius who was battling a rebellions and uprisings some of which were backed by the ‘peace-loving’ Athenians. Most notably Ionian Revolt where Athenians provided their own troops fearing the growing influence of Darius.  Essentially, the Persians weren’t annoyed by the Greek notion of “freedom” they were just sick of them meddling in their affairs. Even ‘evil’ empires hate it when ‘freedom’ ingraining ‘democracies’ wage proxy wars. (But thank God that doesn’t happen anymore). 

Xerxes after after taking a dip in pure evil

Historical facts aside (they’re for nerds anyways), let’s look at the reasoning the movie provides for why King Xerxes (Rodrigo Santoro) attacked Greece. After King Darius was killed by Themistocles at the battle of Marathon (King Darius actually died died of natural causes) Xerxes assented to the throne and greave stricken and confused he was corrupted by Artemisia (Eva Green), the main baddie for this movie.  She gathered wizards and mystics from every corner of the empire (so there is supposed to be magic in this movie?) and sent young Xerxes into the desert on some sort of spiritual journey. Xerxes stumbles upon some well and there he gives himself up to an evil power or as Queen Gorgo puts it “so evil and so perverse, that no part of the human man that Xerxes once was survived”. Why and what this evil power is has been left unexplained but we must believe that Xerxes became who he was after a little dip in some random evil puddle (maybe it was the Lazarus Pit).

Young Artemisa

What about Artemisia? The malevolent bitch-general of the Persian navy. What’s her reason for being so malicious? Well the reason Artemisia hates Greece because her whole family was killed by Greek Hoplites who proceeded to rape her and made her a slave on a Greek ship (she clearly over reacted, Athenians were just "liberating" her). After years spent in Greek captivity, she was left for dead where she was saved by that Persian emissary (Peter Mensah) who was kicked in the well in the first movie. Yup, that’s right; that slimy black guy took a dying girl, raised her, trained her to be a formidable warrior who ultimately rose to the rank of general is such a villain (Damn Persians giving women some equal opportunity. how dare they!). Think about it for a minute, these are the antagonist: Deeply wounded individuals whose lives were destroyed by Greek meddling.

Let’s look at the protagonist for a moment. Our hero is Themistocles, a prominent politician/warrior who advocated for a strong Athenian naval fleet before and after the second Greco-Persian war. He’s a courageous, democracy-loving man who “would rather die as a free man than a slave.”  Again, let’s forget the history for a second (this movie certainly does). Artemisia offered to negotiate (like Xerxes did in the first movie) and like Leonidas in the first movie; Themistocles the noble, loyal servant of Greece would have none of that. He’s a man who believes “a man must protect his family and nation” so negotiating with a tyrant whose army is ten times larger than his is out of the question (brilliant thinking there!). Even though the Athenians beat the Persians at the sea, Xerxes burned down Athens. That meant thousands of Athenians lost their lives anyway, on the battle and at home.  Process that logic for a minute. And here’s the ironic part; after the war ended, Themistocles caused hostility between Sparta and Athens (surprise, surprise) which got him ostracized and exiled form Athens and hunted by the Spartans. He fled to Asia Minor (Persian Empire) where he later entered the service of King Artaxerxes I (son of Xerxes, the big baddy form the movies) who made him governor of Magnesia where he lived for the rest of his life.

Athens is considered to be the birth place of democracy so that means it’s all pure and any legitimate criticism is out of the question. Well turns out, Athens was the worst when it came to Greek city-states in terms of fair play. Athens was constantly at war with other Greek city-sates and even by the standards of the time; Athenian society was notoriously chauvinistic. Their democratic society was open to only a small group of men and granted women absolutely no legal rights and depended on slave labor the most.. The Persians, on the other hand ensured religious freedom built roads and infrastructure, established a postal service, set the standard for large governments, and contrary to the movie did not participate in slavery. It’s really hard to swallow that the Persians are the bad guys here hell bent on destroying Greek individualism when the Persian Empire was immensely diverse, encompassing Asia Minor, Mesopotamia, Egypt, Judea, and Arabia, so pretty much the Middle East today (which we all know is the present day spawning pit of evil).  

 And just so there's absolutely no doubt left, Persians are shown as ugly, unkempt, irrational, menacing, untrustworthy, and cowardly. It’s not just their philosophy that is hideous and unsettling but also their physical appearances. Though vastly multicultural, they’re all shown as a soulless, faceless, hive-minded anti-individualist army that bows unquestioningly to a certified ‘tyrant’. And that’s the buzzword: Tyrant. Brandish that word around recklessly and it gives us complete freedom to antagonize and undermine all that the Persian Empire offered the world. Athenians on the other hand are cookie cutter cutouts of what a superior human being is suppose look like. They're so much alike that it becomes difficult to tell them apart. They’re all macho, militaristic, single-minded muscular men who’re hell bent on war and adhere to the “no negotiation with tyrants policy”, but that’s different because they’re white and democratic ...well sort of democratic.

Think of it this way, Rise of an Empire glorifies a militaristic culture whose main philosophy is submission of individual self to a quasi-fascist collective. On the other hand where multiple races working together to a common goal are evil. Isn’t that the main argument white supremacists use? That mixed societies tend to be destructive unclean hoards, so diversity is bad and races shouldn’t mix. Where pure cultures emphasizing sameness, blind loyalty, and conformity are superior. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say this movie was written by Clayton Bigsby (Dave Chappelle’s sketch of a blind, unintentional KKK-member who happened to be Black) in conjunction with right-wing fundamentalists and the US military-industrial complex.

Clayton Bigsby

Not to say that people who worked on this movie are racist, just like many of us are not racist, but we do things like seeing a black guy and instantly associating him with crime, or seeing a Muslim and associating him/her with terrorism; these acts at their core are racist, and this movie is no different. Good intentions can take you only so far, if you’re not willing to back them up with good actions.

300: Rise of an Empire is sloppy movie with intentional or unintentional racist, misogynist and jingoistic undertones. It’s a quasi-fascist, militaristic wet dream glorifying undying loyalty for the nation and dislike for diversity or multiculturalism. Its reductive trope of “us” vs “them” is a Klan member’s dream come true, and can be used to propagate their lovely message of white supremacy and hatred towards the Middle East.