Gravity: Movie Review

Gravity is an intense visual experience with great performances from Oscar winning actors and occasional silliness that can kill the momentum. Sandra Bullock brings her A game both in acting and in the physique department sending a clear message to young Hollywood lionesses that she is still the head huntress.

Clooney is as usual killing it for all us single guys with his suave persona and wine-like looks that seem to get better with age. His calm yet imposing demeanor makes him a good mentor figure, guiding Ryan Stone (Sandra Bullock) through an almost hopeless situation. The back and forth between the two was a pleasant distraction from impending disaster. Like in any disastrous situation, the experienced will calm and guide the rookies throughout the ordeal. The conversation between the two reveals a sad story of Ryan Stone’s life which made it easier to sympathize with her and root for her even more.

Gravity looks absolutely breathtaking and for the first time I sat through a 3D movie without headaches, or constant struggle between 3D and my actual glasses for space on the bridge of my nose. The movie does 3D right, creating an immersive environment in which dodging space debris almost feels instinctive. The ever presence of Earth in the backdrop is both scary and humbling, creating an odd sense of wonder and insignificance.

Gravity could have been a near perfect movie if it didn’t have some momentum killing moments. There were times where I had to tell myself that “it’s just a movie, so go with it”, and that’s where the movie lost me. Any time I have to tell myself “it’s just a movie” is when I start to dislike movies, and sadly Gravity is one of those movies. There is a limit to how much a movie should push a single scenario and in my humble opinion Gravity breaks that limit a few times. It’s hard to get back into a movie once you start to question the reality presented to you.

Overall, Gravity is a fun movie that will definitely get your heart going, have you dodging space debris and clinching your seat. Absolutely worth the watch even if it’s just for the amazing visuals. If you don’t like to do too much thinking and are looking for a fun immersive movie Gravity will not disappoint.

Elysium: Movie Review

It’s the year 2154 and human beings have reached the pinnacle of technological advancement. They have perfected cybernetics, created machines capable of curing all diseases and reanimating limbs in addition to creating an outer space colony housing the elite of this earth who enjoy every luxury imaginable. The poor on the other hand are left on earth to fend for themselves and are desperate to reach Elysium not to seek residence, but to be able to get a chance to cure whatever life-threatening disease that ails them. 

Max DeCosta (Matt Damon) is our hero who is exposed to a dangerous amount of radiation in a freak accident, and has 5 days to live. Max decides to abandon the life of an exploited labourer and go back to his old criminal friends to get a chance to go to Elysium to heal himself. His journey won’t be easy as the ruthless head of Elysium security, Secretary Delacourt (Jodie Foster) will do everything in her power to stop any sort of illegal entry to Elysium. 

Neill Blomkamp’s follow-up to District 9 is just as if not more visually breathtaking than his first feature film. This movie looks beautiful. The eerie futuristic slums create a sense of despair and hopelessness. The visual effects from fight scenes, robotic police to beautiful outer colony of Elysium itself are stunning and a testament to Blomkamp’s extraordinary skill as a visual filmmaker. However the folly lies with the script and the acting in the movie. 

Elysium has a great message with subpar execution. Neill Blomkamp attempts to tackle every current US/Global social/geopolitical issue out there with subtlety of a bull in a china shop. The growing rift between the rich and the poor, over population, illegal immigration, and universal health care, pollution and so on. All noble issues but the movie fails to provide any real solutions. It ends abruptly and sort of anticlimactically providing simplistic black and white answer to increasingly complex geopolitical problems. It’s a sci-fi fairy-tale where everyone lives happily ever after, and no one asks “Hey, but what about all the problems created after?” 

The message almost seems preachy at points with “Homeland Security” cracking down on “illegal immigrants” through the use of ruthless hired police patrolling the proverbial space borders screaming America’s reluctance on reforming immigration laws. With District 9 everyone knew the movie was about apartheid, it didn’t have to insult the intelligence of the audience by reminding them at every chance it can get that “This is a metaphor about apartheid!”

A movie should have a message, but there has to be some challenge, some thoughts provoked after watching it. An audience should be able to come to their own conclusion (even if they’re the wrong ones). There should be some discussion after watching the movie. Elysium doesn’t take the same risks District 9 did, and it tells you this is how it is and there are no two ways about it.  

Most of the performances in Elysium were lackluster at best with Jody Foster’s performance being the weakest; it felt like she couldn’t decide what accent she wanted to do. Matt Damon was okay as a robotic Jason Bourne, but it was Sharlto Copley who’s a true star of this movie. Every scene he was in was ten times more exciting than anything else in the movie. He really showed his versatility as an actor by embodying a psychopathic rogue soldier. Unfortunately the rest of the cast doesn’t match the energy that Sharlto brings to the table. 

In the end Elysium is enjoyable, but not the epic dystopian movie I was hoping for. It has intense action scenes, feels like the Halo movie that could've been, good message, beautiful visuals but it falls short because of its simplistic delivery and poor acting. 

Elysium gets 6 Halo rings out of 10.

A good Halo movie:

Elysium is the Halo movie we were all waiting for. Body enhancing armour, multitude of assault weapons, energy shields, overzealous soldier and a giant ring in the sky with an atmosphere. The only thing this movie was missing was Master Chief and Cortana.

The movie is structured like a videogame; you start from nothing and slowly build up your experience fighting low level grunts. Get enhancing exoskeleton fight a boss way out of your league, lose, heal with very little repercussions, and move up the levels ultimately facing the same boss that humiliated you in earlier levels, but this time he has newer toys and upgraded armor as well. 

Elysium is the best videogame movie that was never made.

Inescapable: Movie Review

Move over Liem Neeson, we've got an Arab action dad to idolize…. Well sort of.

Inescapable follows Adib Abdel Kareem (Alexander Siddig) a mild-mannered Canadian-Arab with a shady past who has to return to Syria to rescue his daughter after he finds out that she has been kidnapped in Damascus. His past is inescapable, fortunately this movie is.

I really, really wanted to like this movie. I mean how often do you get a non-white action hero? Well sure, sometimes you have Black or Latino heroes, and yeah even Asians, but who would have thought that Arabs would join the ranks of disgruntled middle-aged action heroes with questionable pasts.

Unfortunately, Inescapable is a bad movie and there are no two ways about it. Bad acting, bad pacing, quasi-interesting story line that was poo-pooed with unnecessary plot twists, and overuse of ominous music to create sense of danger when there was no need for it, and god awful action scenes. Speaking of action, you would think an action movie would have some action in it right? Well Inescapable is the diplomatic action movie. Don’t beat your way through the bad guys you call the bureaucrats.

I’d say the only few good things about this movie is that it’s 1 hour and 30 minutes and Marisa Tome was the saving grace. She’s a good actress and was wasted in this movie. Lastly Alexander Siddig is sort of a believable action hero. He’s tall, looks in shape, and the man can paint a mean mug.

If this movie is so bad, then why should you be watching it? Well for starters it’s the only one of its kind. Not an action film mind you; an Arab action film. As awful as this movie is I’d still say check it out. It’s not very long and is a welcoming take on Arabs. Arabs are always portrayed in Hollywood as either terrorists or extremely apologetic for being Arab/Muslim. They’re either blowing up stuff or apologizing and defending Islamic/Arab culture. So there was no question in my mind that I would watch this movie even though you could tell from the trailers that it’s a 'Taken' clone. 

And lastly and most importantly if we don’t support movies like these they won’t make any more of them. Money talks, pure and simple, so to potentially see better action movies with maybe younger heroes we need to start supporting movies like Inescapable.

Inescapable gets a high Cineophantic recommendation.

'Reel' Entourage

Your movie going experience can vary dramatically depending on who you go with. Your friends can make or break a movie for you, so choosing the right friend is like choosing to cut the red wire or the blue wire. Choose the wrong one and BOOM it can all blow up in your face.

The “easily excited” friend:

 
He probably has ADD which would explain why he enjoyed The Transformers movies so much. This friend is the simplest of the bunch, easily excited by big explosions, fart jokes, and boobies. He will tell you the Three Stooges is the funniest and greatest movie ever made only to tell you a week later that no, Battleship is the greatest movie ever made. His simplicity is highly infectious; you forget your movie snobbery and enjoy a movie that you couldn't dream of enjoying on your own. Consequently his contagious exuberance means that you sometimes end up liking movies that are so stupid that when you tell your family and friends they come very close to breaking all ties with you. 

The “know it all” friend:

First of all he always refers to movies as films, which really annoys you. You're not in Europe man, you've never been, so quit it. Second he will turn every moving going experience into a Film 101 lecture. Here you thought you came out to enjoy a nice movie with a bunch friends when out of nowhere you're bombarded with useless movie trivia that will never benefit you in any situation. Oh that scene was shot in Greece during the riots, Katy Perry’s real name is Kate Hudson. Thanks for pointing out that the gratuitous use of CGI is somehow ruining the integrity of film making. The rape scene in the original Swedish The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo felt more real….. Wait what!?

He will always make you question your choices and telling him how much you enjoyed Man of Steel is suicide.  But every time you find out that you've seen an indie movie that he hasn't, you perk up and make sure to rub it in face.

The “my way or the highway” friend:
 

This is the friend who will always get what he wants. You want to watch that exciting new political thriller but somehow he convinces you to watch some sappy romantic comedy. You were sure that this time it will be different, you will stand your ground and fight for your movie; you prepared a script, practiced in front of a mirror and held several debates on said topic which you successfully won. Yet somehow you end up in some weepy Rachel McAdams romantic drama that makes you want to shoot your face.  Consequently in that rare moment when your friend does up pick a great movie, you're too busy raging and plotting your next scheme to convince him to watch the movie you want to watch that you miss out on a potential gem.

 The “you” friend:

This guy is a carbon copy of you but somehow much better looking and probably more successful. You've known him for the longest time, you enjoy the same type of movies, shows, games, and you sometimes finish each other's sentences, which really freaks people out specially your parents. As much as you love this guy watching movies with him is no challenge at all. You get no movie stimulation because everything you say he'll agree with, which is why you love him. But seriously, how can you both come to the same conclusion at the end of Inception? That's a little weird bro.

The “Illuminati” friend:

This is the friend who will somehow link every movie to the infamous Illuminati. “The Dark Knight is clearly a movie made by the Illuminati bro, did you see The Joker? He was obviously a manifestation of Illuminati cult, and how they don't care about the money and they just wants to see the world burn.”  “Bro Monster Inc. is the biggest Illuminati ploy ever devised; Mike Wazowski the big one eyed monster and monopoly over electricity? How are you not seeing the Illuminati connection here?  You're totally blind for not seeing that.” 

You don't take this friend seriously but his crazy Illuminati connections are so entertaining that you just have to invite him to every movie you watch only to see how he links the two together.

Seeking a Friend for the End of the World: Movie Review

Sometimes it takes an unfortunate event to find the one you’re truly meant to be with, and it doesn't get more unfortunate than the end of the world. Seeking a Friend for the End of the World is a wonderful movie about Dodge (Steve Carell), a timid insurance salesman and Penny, a spunky 28 year old (Keira Knightley) teaming up to help each other come to terms with impending doom.

A giant asteroid is heading towards Earth and all attempts to destroy it have failed so humanity has about 21 days left to live. Penny and Dodge have been neighbours for years but never once met and it's the end of the world that brings them together. I don't like Keira Knightley, I always found her to be a little annoying. However her upbeat, always-optimistic Penny and Carell’s boring, always-playing-it-safe complimented each other perfectly and created such great chemistry that this unlikely pairing didn't feel so unlikely.

Seeking a Friend for the End of the World is a dark and a very funny movie. You always have the end of the world at the back drop and as the relationship between Penny and Dodge shapes up; you can't help but hope that the world wouldn't end and that there would be a standard romantic comedy happy ending.

I love this movie's take on how people would react in a doomsday scenario; it's not you action beat em up movie where one man must face all odds to protect his blah blah blah, it all has been done before. In this movie you have regular people trying to cope with their deaths in many different ways from suicide to going about day to day activities to rioting and some other more sensual ways. 

Sometimes it can take a lifetime to find you true love, but when you find that person it doesn't matter whether you spend decades, or few days with them. The comfort of being with your one and only can even make end of the world bearable. 

I give Seeking a Friend for the End of the World 8 giant asteroids-speeding towards-Earth out of 10.

And as always a special thanks to Ammad Wajahat

World War Z: Movie Review

World War Z is an interesting movie. It's smart at times and yet it makes the same cliché mistakes that many of zombie movies tend to make. In World War Z zombies no longer turn people into undead flesh eaters, but it's a virus like Swine flu or Sars, it moves  from host to host infecting them. No one is safe but if it's a virus there must be a cure. Gerry Lane (Brad Pitt) is the U.N. investigator who is called in to find and root out the virus. Going around the world chasing leads from South Korea to Israel to find the potential cure. 

There were time in the movie that seem so foolish and an obvious set ups for zombie attacks that it took away some of the charm of the movie. Randomly phone ringing when making a dash for safety, zombies hiding in the closest, kicking the cans in an empty hallway, and random Arab girl leading a celebratory song in Israel on a loud speaker, when it has been established that zombies are attracted by loud noises. 

World War Z is an intense ride that picks up within the first 5 in of the movie and doesn't stop till the very end. There were slow points but they were necessary because they gave us some background story. The fast zombies worked in this movie, they were first introduced in 28 Days Later and this movie uses them appropriately. 

World War Z is yet another movie that shows how fragile the society is and how quickly people turn to anarchy and looting. 

When facing impending doom how will you react? Will you follow the rules or do whatever it takes to survive?

I give World War Z 7 deadly zombie bites out of 10.

The Hangover Part III: Movie Review

You know that one joke you tell at every party? It was hilarious the first time you told it. So you kept telling it over and over again. You told your mom, your friends, your wacky uncle and heck you even told it to your baby sister. Each time you tell that joke it lost some of its charm and you know this in your heart, but you keep telling it because it made you someone who was atleast bearable at the office party. The Hangover Part III is THAT dreaded, self-destructive joke. 

The The Hangover was a surprise to everyone. It was a smart, engaging and an all-around funny move. It made the three protagonists into overnight stars, along with Mr. Chow (Ken Jeong). Since The Hangover these four guys have experienced great success; Bradley Cooper has been nominated for an Oscar, Ed Helms became a little more then just Andy from The Office, and Zach Galifianakis (the funniest of the bunch) starred on HBO’s Bored to Death and Ken Jeong is a recurring character on Community. It’s no surprise then that The Hangover made these guys in demand, and had the audience craving for more. So what better way to give the masses what they want than bringing the Wolf Pack back together for two more subpar movies. 

The Hangover Part III brings the crew back together for yet another wacky adventure, this time getting them to go to Tijuana and back to Vegas. There isn’t really much to tell you about the plot that you can’t figure out yourself. So it makes very little sense to go in any further detail about it, and I can move on to things that worked.

By far the funniest moment during the movie for my money's worth was when some girl in the theater screamed out loud after seeing one of the main character dangle for his life. The whole theater roared, and it was a genuinely hilarious moment. Too bad the same can’t be said about the rest of the movie. No doubt there were some funny moments and personally the best bits of the movie were when Melissa Mccarthy was on the screen. Some of the other funniest moments were throwbacks to the original. I found myself doing a lot of ”ooh I remember that from the first movie. Ha ha that reference is funny.” Unfortunately that is all this movie is, it’s a reminder of how great The Hangover was and we should nostalgia-laugh (is something I just made up) because we once thought there was no one funnier than Zack Galifianakis. Other than that any original content was drab at best. 

The best laughs came from all the supporting characters, and the 'Big 3' it felt like were just there to collect the pay check. Bradly Cooper was by far the worst of the bunch. It’s hard to believe that this is the same guy who was nominated for an Oscar not very long ago. Ed Helms and Zack Galifianakis were at least trying.

It was the overall chemistry of the three characters that made the original so great. The Hangover was a perfect recipe of Mac and Cheese where you threw in random ingredients and IT WAS THE BEST MAC AND CHEESE YOU EVER MADE! You tried replicating the original time after time, and tasted nothing but fake cheese and disappointment. It was just another Mac and Cheese. Sure it was served its purpose of feeding your broke student ass, but you yearned for that perfect gourmet Mac and Cheese fit to serve Gordon Ramsay himself.  

The Hangover Part III is not a movie for people who are looking for genuine comedy. There are some very funny moments but the cheap laughs far outnumber the good ones. If you’re going in expecting a repeat of The Hangover then don’t waste your time and money. If you were disappointed by The Hangover Part II this movie will only throw salt on your wounds. It’s sad to see such an initially brilliant trilogy end like this. The Hangover Part III was nothing but one last attempt at squeezing every last dollar from the franchise. The Hangover Part III gets 5 nostalgia-laughs out of 10.

And as always Special thanks to Ammad Wajahat, who can eat nothing but Philly Cheese Stakes for the rest of his life.